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Thứ Ba, 8 tháng 10, 2019

The coach grimaced as he watched his young ice hockey team. At one point during the game, he called one of his 7-year-old players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded affirmatively...

"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?"

The little boy nodded once more.

"So..." the coach continued. "I'm sure you know that when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?"

Again the little boy nodded.

He continued, "And when I call you off the ice so that another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach a dumb asshole, is it?"

The little boy nodded yet again.

"Good." said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother."

I tried to tell some of my vaccinated friends a joke about measles.

But they just didn't get it.

What rock group has 4 members that don't sing?

Mount Rushmore

A robber enters a bank, he pulls out a gun, and he shouts: "Everyone on the ground. This is a robbery!". Immediately, everyone in the bank drops down with their hands on their heads except for one man reading a newspaper.

The man lowers his newspaper and begins to stare at the robber with an amused look on his face.

It makes the robber angry, so he walks towards the man, puts the gun to his face, and asks him: "what so funny, ha? You want to get shot?".

The man's amused look turns into a smile as he answers the robber back: "You are joking right?".

The robber, bursting with anger, places the gun one inch away from the man's face and says: "Say that again. I dare you".

The man, who was previously completely relaxed, is now getting a bit worried. He lowers his newspaper further and says: "No, really. You are not serious, are you?".

The robber sticks the gun into the man's forehead and threatens with a more serious tone: "One more word and I swear I am pulling the trigger".

The man, no longer showing the slightest hint of amusement, says: "Look, there is a first time to everything, but this is unbelievable. Do you really have any idea of what you are doing?".

"that is it!" the robber snaps. "I have a gun, you are unarmed, everybody else is scared to death, and there are zero guards in here! Don't you understand the situation? I completely got this under control!".

At this point, the man puts down his newspaper with an honest, concerned look on his face. He looks the robber in the eye and says: "Dude, this is a blood bank".

My asshole neighbour came and rang my doorbell at 3am this morning....

Luckily I was still up playing my drums

Me: Do you have that new book about living with a small penis?

Librarian: I’m sorry, I don’t think it’s in yet.

Me: Yeah, that’s the one.

In Canada, you are more likely to die of a kick of a moose than a terrorist attack.

Those damn moose limbs.