I asked Siri why I was still single

She turned on the front camera

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Is buttcheeks spelled as one word?

Or do you have to spread them apart?

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WONKA: Congratulations Charlie! My chocolate empire is yours

CHARLIE: That’s wondrous!

WONKA: Now, first thing will be handling this PR crisis.

CHARLIE: Wait, wha-

WONKA: A lot of kids just died in your factory, Charlie. And there’s a rumor that you apparently own slaves?

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Lately, I've been really afraid of elevators.

I've been taking steps to avoid them.

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My girlfriend just emailed me

"thespacebuttonisbrokenonmylaptop.canyougivemeanalternative"

Does anyone know what "ternative" mean?

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If i had a dollar for every girl that didn't find me attractive,

they'd eventually find me attractive.

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Teacher: Billy if there are 5 bird on a fence and you shoot 1

Teacher: Billy if there are 5 birds on a fence and you shoot 1 how many birds are left?

Billy: None the others would fly away at the sound of the gun.

Teacher: The answer is 4 but I like the way you think.

Billy: I have a question Miss. There are 3 women eating ice cream cones. 1 licking, 1 biting, and 1 sucking, which one is married?

Teacher blushing, nervously answers “the one sucking.”

Billy: The answer is the one wearing the wedding ring, but I like the way you think.

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