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Thứ Năm, 17 tháng 10, 2019

A man is walking the Las Vegas strip, and runs into the most beautiful women he has ever met.

He starts talking to her, and to his luck he finds out she is a prostitute. So, he asks her.

"How much for a hand-job?"

"5,000$" she replies.

"5,000$?? You must be nuts, no way."

"Walk with me." She replies. He agrees and they walk for a moment to end up in front of a restaurant. "You see this restaurant? I own this restaurant because men pay me 5,000$ for hand jobs."

He ponders for a moment. "Damn, they must be pretty good then. Alright." He brings her back to his hotel room. Gets the hand job, and as advertised; it is the best hand job he has ever had. After he finishes, he realizes how perfect she is and asks. "Okay, that was awesome. How much for a blow job?"

"15,000$" she replies.

"15,000$?!? You are out of your mind. No way!" He shouts

"Come to the window." They walk to the window and she begins to point. "You see those three casinos? I own those casinos because men pay me 15,000$ for blow jobs."

"Fine, how can i say no?"

Once again, it is the best blow job of his life. He is writhing in ecstasy after finishing, and practically in love with this woman. "Okay, I am gonna regret this. How much for the pussy?"

"Come to the window." He follows her to the window, ready for anything. "Do you see all of Las Vegas?" She asks.

"No way! You own all of Las Vegas?!" He exclaims, astounded.

"No.." she looks down. " But I would if I had a pussy..."

Just called the tinnitus hotline

It didn’t stop ringing

Thứ Tư, 16 tháng 10, 2019

When I was ten my Mom told me to take my brother to a movie so she could set up for his surprise birthday party.

That's when I realized that he was her favorite twin, not me.

The wife and I decided we don't want children.

We're telling them tomorrow.

What do you get when you cross alcohol with an unstable parent?

Beats me

Bank Robber : Wherr is the safe?

Teller :

Bank Robber : WTF. Where is the safe?

Teller :

Penn : He always does this.

Asked My Parents if I was an accident

Mom: No, no, why would you think that?

Dad: It was a more of a tragedy, really.