Yogurt on the bus [NSFW]

On the bus today, I tapped the woman in front of me on the shoulder, and said, "Excuse me, but there's some semen on your sweater."

She said, "Oh, it's probably just yogurt..."

I replied, "Maybe, but I'm pretty sure I don't ejaculate yogurt."

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What does a black rectangle have in common with the girl I met last night?

you tap it once and it's gone

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After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Kevin remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash.
As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too.
The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth wide.
The dentist got close enough & said, "Man did you have a 69 before you came here?"
Kevin, shocked says, "Why, No! Does my breath smell like pussy?"

The dentist says, "No, but your forehead smells like ass!!!"

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And for my next trick, I will dissapear

Fuck you pear, you taste like shit

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Today my son asked, "Can I have a book mark?"

I burst out laughing, 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

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What's the difference between a velodrome and a palindrome?

For one, you have to use a bicycle. For the other, you can use a race car.

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“I don’t understand you,” cried my girlfriend. “One minute you’re really offensive to me and the next you’re really polite.”

“Bitch, please,” I said.

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