My Gran said to me, “Young men of today just aren’t as polite and charming as they were when I was young.”

I had to explain, “That’s because they aren’t trying to fuck you now.”

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What do you call intelligent people in America?

Tourists.

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My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.

I’ve had a Canon printer for years.

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Why didn't Barbie get pregnant?

Ken came in another box

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A guy walks into a bar and orders a punch

The bartender says “Sir, if you wanna punch, you gotta get in line.” The guy looks around but there is no punch line

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TIL Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween

I guess they don't appreciate strangers knocking on their doors

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I got fired for wearing a mini-skirt to work

They said the customers complained about my hanging dick

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