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Thứ Bảy, 2 tháng 11, 2019

A nun gets into a cab and notices that the driver can't stop staring at her.

So she asks him why is he staring and he answers, "I have a question I need to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

The nun replies, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you have had a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

The cab driver hesitates for a moment and then says, "Well it's like this; I've always had a fantasy to have a nun perform oral sex on me."

The nun replies, "Ok well, let's see what we can do about that, shall we. There are two conditions though, firstly you have to be single and secondly you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, yes! I am single and I'm Catholic too!"

The nun then says, "Ok then, pull into the next alley."

The cab driver does so and the nun duly goes ahead and fulfills his fantasy. They get back on the road and start driving again, but the cab driver soon starts to cry.

The nun sees this and asks him, "My dear child, pray tell, why are you crying?"

The cab driver says, "You must forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied to you, I must confess that I'm married and I'm also Jewish."

The nun laughs and says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party."

Thứ Sáu, 1 tháng 11, 2019

I'm a social vegan.

I avoid meet.

When does a bad joke become a dad joke?

When the punchline becomes apparent

I asked my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight...

to fulfill my fantasy that we have health insurance

While golfing, I accidentally overturned my golf cart.

A very attractive female golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out:

"Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart.

"Why don't you come up to my villa, rest for a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later.”

I noticed her silky bathrobe was partially open, revealing what appeared to be a very nice figure.

"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it."

"Oh, come on now", she insisted. She was so pretty and very, very persuasive. I was weak ...

"Well, okay," I finally agreed, "However, I'm sure my wife won't like it."

After a couple of Scotch, I thanked her and said:

"I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I'd better go now."

"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, letting her robe fall slightly more open.

"Stay for a while, she won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"Still under the cart, I suppose."

My son, while gazing up at the sky, asked me how stars die

"Usually an overdose", I said

My wife screamed "you haven't listened to a single word I've said, have you?!"

What a weird way to start a conversation