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Chủ Nhật, 3 tháng 11, 2019

People say that Steve Jobs died too soon.

But I think his death was a fitting metaphor for apples attitude to battery life.

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when

a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey “Hey! what are you doing?” The monkey says “Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.” So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is ‘dry’, and that he’s going to get a drink from the river. At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side. He then asks the lizard, “What’s the matter with you?!” The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in! The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says “Hey, MONKEY!” The Monkey looks down and says “FUUUUUCK, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?”

Will glass coffins be a success?

Remains to be seen.

My girlfriend broke up with me because she says I'm too 'controlling'.

Funny thing is, I don't remember giving her permission to speak.

How does a rock pee?

He Dwaynes his Johnson

I saw a homeless guy on the streets and I had 50 bucks on me...

I thought, “This’ll be wasted on drugs and booze.” So I just gave it to the homeless guy.

I hate it when people don't know the difference between your and you're.

There so stupid