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Thứ Sáu, 15 tháng 11, 2019

A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.

Student, "Sir, do you really know everything about this subject?"

Professor, "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?"

Student, "OK. So I'd like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you can't give me the correct answer, however, you'll have to give me an "A".

Professor, "Hmmmm, alright. So what's the question?"

Student, "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?"

The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can't crack the answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student's failing mark into an "A" as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased.

The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can't get the answer. So finally he calls in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really tough question to answer, "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? "

To the professor's surprise (and embarrassment), all the students immediately raise their hands.

"All right," says the professor and asks his favorite student to answer.

"It's quite easy, sir" says the student "You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. And your wife's lover failed his exam but you've just given him an "A", which is neither legal, nor logical."

An old Jewish man was finally allowed to leave the Soviet Union, to emigrate to Israel.

When he was searched at the Moscow airport, the customs official found a bust of Lenin.

Customs: What is that?

Old man: What is that? What is that?! Don't say "What is that?" say "Who is that?" That is Lenin! The genius who thought up this worker's paradise!

The official laughed and let the old man through.

The old man arrived at Tel Aviv airport, where an Israeli customs official found the bust of Lenin.

Customs: What is that?

Old man: What is that? What is that?! Don't say "What is that?" say "Who is that?" That is Lenin! The sonofabitch! I will put him on display in my toilet for all the years he prevented an old man from coming home.

The official laughed and let him through.

When he arrived at his family's house in Jerusalem, his grandson saw him unpack the bust.

Grandson: Who is that?

Old man: Who is that? Who is that?! Don't say "Who is that?" say "What is that?" That, my child, is eight pounds of gold!

There’s Hollywood, Bollywood, etc. What would you call movies made in China ?

Propaganda

I used to smoke weed and go to the class...

sneak in ten minutes late with a bullshit excuse. Slink down low at my desk. Pray to God nobody asked me any questions.

I was the best teacher ever.

I don't get jokes about school shootings

I guess they must be aimed at a younger audience.

Why do Afghans have to listen to the radio?

Because of the tele-ban

Sex on the job

Client: "Why did you have sex with her?!"

Employee: "She was just lying there naked! What else was I supposed to do?"

Client: "The autopsy! The fucking autopsy!"

Employee: "I don't tell you how to do your job; don't tell me how to do mine!"

Client: "You're the worst veterinarian of all time!"