I think I'm going to kill off the main character in my new book

I hope it will spice up this autobiography a little

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Just got a new job doing circumcisions

It doesn’t pay well but i get to keep the tips

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Did you hear about the dwarf that escaped by rappelling from Alcatraz?

I would tell you, but it’s a little condescending.

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Girls call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.

And then they call me ugly and poor.

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What’s the quickest way to prevent a man from drowning?

Shoot him in the face

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My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."

I know he means well.

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Wanna know my favorite leg day exercise?

Skipping.

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