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Thứ Tư, 4 tháng 12, 2019

How do you sneak up on celery?

You stalk it.

So I killed 5 zombies and a vampire...

... I'm just trying to figure out why they were all carrying bags of candy 🤔

Working at an unemployment office must be so tense.

Even if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.

The repairs on big ben are expected to take 3 years

That's a long time considering they're working around the clock

The new employee.

This guy just started at his new job, working at an adult shop. His boss comes out and tells him that he has to leave for a while, and "can you handle it? "

The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's positive comments he finally agrees.

So, the guy is there by himself for a little while and a white woman comes in. She asks, "How much for the white dildo?"

He answers, "$35."

She: "How much for the black one?"

He: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one."

She: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one before. "She pays him, and off she goes.

A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks "How much for the black dildo? He: "$35."

She: "How much for the white one?"

He: "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one."

She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white one before..."She pays him, and off she goes.

About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much are your dildos?"

He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black."

She: "Hmmmmm....how much is that plaid one on the shelf?"

He: "Well, that's a very special dildo...it'll cost you $165." She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid one, I've never had a plaid one before...." She pays him, and off she goes.

Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was gone?"

To which the salesman says, "I think I did good, I sold one white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!"

What did the gender-neutral gold miner say to their foreman?

“There’s gold in them/their hills.”