My grandad always used to say "as one door closes, another opens".

A lovely man. A terrible cabinet maker.

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The new sex position is called Brexit:

It's when you promise to pull out but you don't:

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How can you tell if the bat that bit you had rabies?

Also why is water so fuckin scary?

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How many syllables does the word gloria have?

Christians: 18

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My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses.

She drinks right out of the bottle.

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How much does it cost to buy a large singing group?

"you mean a choir?"

Fine... How much does it cost to "acquire" a large singing group?

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My life completely changed after I learned Morse Code.

Last night for example, I couldn't fall asleep, because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

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