He started counting but he fell asleep.
Thứ Hai, 16 tháng 12, 2019
An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Russian are on a train
Door opens and a beautiful young woman sits into their compartment.
After a bit, while crossing her legs, the woman accidentally farts. She goes red to the tip of her hair so the Englishman gets up and says:
"My apologies, madam, gentlemen, my lunch disagrees with me"
After a while, the woman accidentally farts again. The Frenchman shoots up like a rocket and says:
"Gentlemen, please excuse me, my lunch disagrees with me".
Then the russian gets up and says:
"I'm going out for a fag, if that bitch shits herself - it was me".
Why do pirates love reddit?
Tis the best place to trade stolen content for gold.
Edit: ARRRR! Me farst gold! Much love me matey!
A woman was angry because...
Her husband was coming home late again, so she leave a note saying “I’ve had enough and have left you. Don’t bother coming after me.” Then she hides underneath the bed so she can watch his reaction.
Soon the husband comes home. She hears him in the kitchen before the comes into the bedroom. She sees him walk up to the dress and pick up the note.
He stops for a minute. Grabs a pen, writes something down on the note. He picks up the phone and calls someone saying “She’s finally gone. Yeah I know, about bloody time. I’m coming to see you. Put on that sexy French nightie I like. I love you and I cannot wait to see you. We’ll do all the naughty things you like.”
He hung up the phone, grabs his keys, and walks out the door.
She hears the car drive off as she’s holding back tears and comes out from underneath the bed. She’s seething with rage and grabs the note to see what he wrote: “I can see your feet. We’re outta bread: be back in 5 mins.”
Chủ Nhật, 15 tháng 12, 2019
4 comrades go to a Soviet hotel for a night during a business trip...
As they walk into their room, 3 of them, whip out some vodka, food and cigarettes and begin to make jokes about the government and be very loud indeed. The 4th one is trying to get some meaningful sleep and knowing that it would be fruitless to ask them to stop, hatches an ingenious plan. He goes downstairs to reception and asks for a cup of coffee to be delivered to the room.
"Make sure you deliver it exactly after 10 minutes starting from now"
Returning back to the room he joins his comrades midway a Stalin joke. He sits up shocked and exclaims:
"Comrades! You must not say these things! Don't you know? They are listening to our conversations right now!"
The comrades jeer and laugh at him and say that that is impossible.
"Really? Then how do you explain this?"
He gets up and speaks into the lampshade by the beds.
"I would like a black coffee to be delivered to my room, please."
And surely enough, in a short amount of time, a maid walks in with a cup of coffee and some sugar.
The other 3 comrades turn deathly pale and quickly turn in for the night. The last comrade drinks his coffee and peacefully goes to sleep.
Come morning the 4th comrade awakens only to find that his friends and all their belongings are missing.
Throughly confused and anxious, the man walks down the stairs to reception to enquire whether his friends had checked out earlier in the morning.
"I am afraid not sir. You see, the KGB raided your room during the night and placed your friends under arrest for ridiculing the Soviet regime."
"B-but how come they didn't take me?!"
"Oh, the Captain very much enjoyed your joke"
(translated from Russian)
A man walks into a bar
He goes up to the bartender and asks him if he likes to gamble.
The bartender says, "Sure, I'll take a bet. What's your action?"
The man offers a $50 bet that he can bite his own eyeball. The bartender, thinking it's easy money, accepts his bet, and is shocked when the man removes his glass eye and bites down on it.
Laughing, the man sees that the bartender is upset about losing his money, so he offers him a chance to win it back. "Double or nothin' says I can bite my other eye."
The bartender thinks it over. He knows he was just tricked out of $50 but he also knows that this man can't possibly have two glass eyes, so he pulls another $50 from the register and accepts the man's bet.
The man promptly takes out his false teeth and gently closes them around his other eye.
Now the bartender is visibly angry to have been had for $100, and the man's laughter isn't helping. Just before he throws him out of his bar, the man puts his hand up.
"Real sorry about that, pal. I get people with that bit all the time, but you've been a good sport, so I'll give you another chance to win some cash. I've got... $500 that says if you slide a shot glass down the bar top, I can run alongside of it and piss into the glass without missing a drop. This is kinda hard for me to do, though, so I think it's fair if you give me two chances at it."
The bartender, eager to win his money back from the man, thinks to himself and realizes just how hard it would be for this man to piss into a shot glass while running at full speed. Especially knowing he only has one eye to line up his shot. After a minute of deliberation, he willingly accepts the bet.
The man drops his pants to his ankles and when the bartender puts the shot glass down on the counter, shouts a resounding, "Go!" prompting the bartender to slide it along the bar top.
The man chases after it, holding his dick at an angle to properly aim it. However, pissing while running at full speed isn't easy, so he only manages to get a couple of drops in the glass by the time it reaches the other end.
Catching his breath, the man reminds the bartender he has a second try, and that the first was simply to get his bearings straight. Once again, he shouts, "Go!" giving the bartender his cue to send the shot glass back down the bar.
Once again, the man chases wildly after it, spraying piss all over the bar top, stools, floor, and even hitting some of the bottles of liquor behind the bar. However, not one drop of urine found it's way into the shot glass.
Head hanging low, he hands the bartender $500, to which the bartender gleefully accepted, jumping up and down in joy and cheering in victory at the cash he had just made.
All of a sudden, a man in the back of the bar slams his fist hard against his table and screams "Fuck!" at the top of his lungs.
The bartender mutters aloud, "I wonder what his problem is."
To which the man replies, "Oh, I just bet that guy $10,000 that I could piss all over your bar and you'd be so happy about it you jumped up and down with joy."
A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist, Linda, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.
Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably.
The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.
So one of the ladies approached Linda very discreetly about the problem, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on her nipples and over her breasts.
This should cause them to shrink in size, but warned her not to taste any of the green persimmons, because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up, and you won’t be able to talk properly for a while. The voluptuous organist reluctantly agreed to try it.
The following Sunday morning the minister walked up to the pulpit and said, “Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hab a thermon tewday”
Đăng ký:
Nhận xét (Atom)