I was embarrassed when my wife found out that I was playing with my son’s train set, so I threw a blanket over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

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Two Jehovah's Witnesses die and go to Heaven.

As they're knocking at the Pearly Gates, St Peter turns around and whispers...

"Turn out the lights and everybody be quiet!! Maybe they'll think we're not home."

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Billie Eilish just turned 18...

...now she’s too old for Drake.

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Just lost my job as a zookeeper

In my defence there were signs everywhere saying "please don't feed the animals"

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I told my Asian parents that I am Asexual.

They were disappointed that I wasn't A+sexual

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A son asks his father what is the meaning of "in practice" and "in theory"

"Il show you son. Call your sister." Says the father

"Daughter would you sleep with a man for a million dollars?" Asks the father

"Yes of course, that is a once in a life time opportunity!" Answers the daughter

"Okay son now call your grandmother" Says the father

"Grandma would you sleep with a man for a million dollars?" Asks the father

"Yes I would! I would do it for you so the family can thrive financially!" Answers the grandmother

"Okay son now call your mother" Says the father

"Wife, would you sleep with a man for a million dollars?" Asks the father

"Yes! We could buy a bigger house and have loads of vacations!" Answers the mother

The father looks at his son and responds "See son, in theory, we are millionaires but in practice 3 whores live in our house!"

My dad told me this joke, it sounded better in our mother tongue.

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The titanic went down in 60 seconds

Let that sink in for a minute

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