I wonder if old houseflies tell the younger ones stories like:

"Back in my day, it was Monday".

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Pilot is welcoming the passengers on the plane

Shortly after take off, he announces "This is your Captain speaking, Thank you for flying with us this morning. The weather is... " Then suddenly he starts screaming his head off,

"Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! It's burning,...It's burning.. This is going to hurt... It's burning."

A ghostly silence reigned in cabin. After a couple of minutes, he gets back on the microphone, talking to the passengers, "I sincerely apologize for the incident but I just dropped a very hot cup of coffee on my lap... you should see my pants."

One passenger replies, "Why don't you come here and see our PANTS!"

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The Holy Bible is proven to be 100% accurate.

When thrown at a close-range, especially.

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Why is Donald Trump happy about the impeachment result?

Because it’s the first time he’s gotten the most votes.

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My idiot neighbor knocked on my door at 3AM... who does that??

Luckily I happened to be up practicing my trumpet

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Some people are so ignorant about anatomy.

Just today I had to explain to someone that there is a vas deferens between a testicle and a penis.

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Anal sex is a lot like my first car...

I didn't really want it, but my uncle gave it to me anyway.

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