A photon tries to go through airport security fast, but is stopped. "Don't you have any luggage" asks the security agent.

The photon replies. "No I'm travelling light".

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My girlfriend changed when she became a vegetarian

Its like I had never seen herbivore

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My friend said, "Congratulations on your new job. How did you get it?" I replied, "The same way the Virgin Mary got Jesus." He laughed, "A miracle?!"

I said, "No. Sex that I can't tell anyone about."

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Is my Thai girlfriend really a guy?

Something inside me says yes.

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I like my coffee how I like my slaves...

Free

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A man and a woman, who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket?  I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed. "Good," she replied. "Get your own damn blanket!" 

After a moment of silence, he farted.

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Guy at a grocery store: Are those genetically modified eggplants?

Store worker: Why do you ask?

Eggplant: Yeah, why do you ask?

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