a guy goes into a bar

a guy goes into a bar and orders a few drinks when he notices a very attractive lady sitting down at the other end of the bar ordering a drink. the guy calls the bartender over and says "whatever she's drinking, give her another one and tell her it's on me." the bartender replies "i don't think that's a good idea." "what do you mean!?" yells the guy "send her the drink!" "okay," the bartender replies "but i don't think it's a good idea." "and why not?" asks the guy indignantly. the bartender leans over the bar and very softly says "because she's a lesbian." "i don't care. send her a drink." after the lady gets her drink the guy very casually strolls down to the other end of the bar and sits down next to her and says, "so what part of lesbia are you from?"

Read More

I entered myself in a Most Beautiful Boner contest.

The competition was pretty stiff.

Read More

A man and his wife are at a restaurant...

The wife leaves for the bathroom and a short while later the waiter arrives.

'what would you like sir?' he asks.

'I'll have the steak, but my wife is using the restroom at the minute', the man replies.

'oh, well, do you know what she's having?'

The man replies, 'well it's been about 10 minutes so I'd say a shit'

Read More

I for one...

Love Roman numerals

Read More

I was having anal sex..

I was having anal sex with my girlfriend. Her father suddenly slammed the door open and started screaming at her. "Dad, I'm sorry!", she said. The father turned to me and, from the top of his lungs, he started screaming: "Are you fucking sorry?"

Read More

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him!

But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed."

Read More

If con is opposite of pro..

then is Congress the opposite of progress?

Read More