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Thứ Bảy, 4 tháng 1, 2020

Damn girl are you a newspaper?

Because there's a new issue with you every fucking day.

A little boy and his father visited the country store, and upon leaving the store, the owner of the store offered the little boy some free Sweets...

“grab a hand full of Sweets", the merchant said to the boy.

The boy just stood there looking up at his father.

The owner repeated himself:- “Son get a hand full of Sweets... it’s free.”

Again the boy did not move, continuing to look up in the face of his father.

Finally the father reached into the candy jar and got a hand full of Sweets and gave it to his son.

As they walked back home, the father stopped and asked his son why he did not grab a hand full of the free candy.

The boy with a big smile on his face looked into the face of his father and said:- "Because I know that your hand is bigger than mine".

Thứ Sáu, 3 tháng 1, 2020

All my friends jokingly said that this girl I have a date with is imaginary.

Well, the joke is on them. Because so are they

Why are you still guarding it?

A new camp commander was appointed and while inspecting the place, he saw 2 privates guarding a bench. He went over there and asked them why do they guard it.

"We don't know. The last commander told us to do so, and so we did!"

He searched for last commander's phone number, and called him to ask him why did he want guards in this particular bench.

"I don't know. The previous commander had guards, and I kept the tradition".

Going back another 3 commanders, he found a now 100 year old retired General.

"- Excuse me sir. I'm now the CO of your camp. I've found 2 guards assigned on a bench. Why did you put them there?"

"- What? The paint is still wet?!?"

Yesterday I Spotted an Albino Dalmatian.

It was the least I could do for the guy.

there is love without sex, and there is sex without love.

and then there’s you, without both.

If you think 2020 puns are bad this year, just wait until next year.

Hindsight will be 2020.