"Can someone give an example of things that are useless?" The teacher asked.

Me: raises hand

Teacher: Very good. Any other examples?

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Qassem Soleimani is so popular today.

I mean he just blew up overnight.

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Whenever a homeless person asks me for money, I admit my first thought is always, "This money's just going to get spent on booze or drugs."

That's why I always give it to the homeless person instead.

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My whole life I thought Chewbacca was an ewok

Wookie mistake.

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My idiot friend almost blew his hand playing with fireworks on New Years. When the smoke cleared he was unscathed! Not a singe or burn on him! I ran over to him, mystified, and said...

What are you retardant?

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I have a friend from Prague who I play chess with.

He is my Czech mate.

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There is a horse. The horse says "I don't think." and disappears.

This is a reference to the Descartes quote "I think, therefore I am."

But if I had explained that earlier, it would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

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