All the DNA matches and there's no dental records.
Chủ Nhật, 5 tháng 1, 2020
A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment complex on his own. He proudly went down to the foyer to put his name on his mailbox.
While he was there, a stunning young blonde came out of the apartment and walked down to the mailboxes, wearing only a bathrobe.
The young man smiled at the woman and she started up a conversation with him.
As they talked......her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying with all his effort to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, 'Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.'
Nervously he followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her bathrobe to fall off completely.
Now nude, she purred at him......... 'What would you say is my best feature?'
Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, 'It's got to be your ears!!!'
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, 'My ears?!?!?'
'Look at these breasts; they are a full 39 inches and 100% natural...... I work out every day and my Ass is firm and solid.......i have a 28 inch waist....... Look at my skin - not a blemish anywhere!!!!'
How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears!?!'
Clearing his throat, he stammered ....
'Outside, when you said you heard someone coming that was me.'
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said: “Jesus knows you’re here.”
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard: “Jesus is watching you.” Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. “Did you say that?” he hissed at the parrot.
“Yep,” the parrot confessed, then squawked. “I’m just trying to warn you that he is watching you.” The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?” “Moses,” replied the bird. “Moses?” the burglar laughed. “What kind of people would name a bird Moses?”
“The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.”
A man dies and he's able to be in heaven and in hell for 1 day so he could choose which he likes best.
And heaven was boring as fuck and hell was a 24/7 hookers and blow non stop party. So the next day he goes back to st Peter? And says, "nah.. I'm going to stay in hell" and when he goes back down with the devil it's all torture and Sulphur and fire and brimstone and he goes to the devil and says "what the fuck?? Where are the hookers and blow? The dj and pools?" and the devil responds....
"well, that's the difference between being a tourist and being an immigrant"
Thứ Bảy, 4 tháng 1, 2020
Some bloke walked up to the counter and said, “Burger and chips, please.”
“Certainly, Sir,” I replied. “Are you eating in or taking out?”
“Fuck off you cunt,” he snapped, before walking off with his food.
I love working in the prison canteen.
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