Kevin with his mistress on the bed

"You should leave now. My husband is coming back soon", said the woman.

"Don't worry, I've got my trained smart horse outside. If I just blow a whistle and jump out the window, it would catch me easily", smiled Kevin.

Then someone knocked at the door.

In a panic, Kevin blowed a whistle and jumped out the window quickly.

The woman opened up, and found Kevin's horse standing by the door.

"It's raining heavily outside. I came to tell Kevin that I'll be waiting for him in the living room", said the horse.

(Translated from Chinese)

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A man went to confess to the priest

"Father, I've stolen someone's dog. But I don't want it now. Can I give it to you?"

"No, son, I don't want it. You should return the dog to the owner."

"I did. But he said he doesn't want it."

"Well...Then I think you should keep the dog."

That night, the priest went back home and found his precious dog stolen.

(Translated from Chinese)

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I hate it when people come and bang on your door spouting nonsense like, "You need to be saved or you'll burn!"

Stupid firemen...

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A sweet and innocent young Italian girl gets married, but the girl’s mother lives downstairs.

The girl has never made love to a man before, and on their wedding night, when he takes off his shirt, she goes running downstairs.

“Momma, Momma,” she cries. “I can’t believe it! He has hair all over his chest! What should I do?”

The mother is making spaghetti sauce. She stirs the sauce thoughtfully and says, “Hair on his chest? He’s your husband, it’s your wedding night, go upstairs.”

When the girl gets back upstairs, the man takes off his pants. This sends her running back down to her mother: “Momma, Momma! He has hair all over his legs! What should I do?”

The mother stirs the sauce thoughtfully and says: “Hair on his legs? He’s your husband, it’s your wedding night, go upstairs.”

The girl goes back upstairs, and the man takes off his shoes and socks. She looks down and sees that half of one of his feet is missing. She goes crying back down the stairs:

“Momma, Momma! He’s got a foot and a half! What should I do?”

The mother hands her daughter the spoon and says:

“A foot and a half? Here, you stir the sauce. I’ll go upstairs.”

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I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers...

Like you don't see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed.

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The FBI, CIA, and KGB are trying to prove which one of them is the best at catching their targets.

The task is to go into a forest and capture the rabbit in there.

The FBI goes in, they place inside operatives into the animal kingdom, question all the tree witnesses, and interrogate even the rocks. After 3 months of effort, they come out, and conclude that the rabbit does not exist, and was just an urban myth.

The CIA goes in next. In a week, there is an uprising of freedom fighters who seek to overthrow the hierarchy, which escalates until the forest burns down. They present the corpse of a rabbit and say it resisted.

Not impressed, the KGB is sent in to the next forest. By the afternoon, they come out, dragging a bloody and bruised bear behind them, who instantly confesses: "I am rabbit. My mother and father were rabbits."

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My sister bet me I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti...

You should have seen her face as I drove pasta

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