Asked my mum "How much is a couple?" "2 or 3" she replied.

...probably explains why her marriage collapsed

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Why do Americans have good computers?

Because they have no troubleshooting.

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What's the best thing about fingering a gypsy on her period

You get your palm red for free

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A plane is full of a bunch of Redditors...

And suddenly a man starts having a heart attack. One of the flight attendants (who frequents r/AskReddit) notices this and quickly shouts: “People of the plane, we’re having an emergency! Is anyone on this plane a doctor?”

Immediately, five people stand up and all say, “I’m not a doctor, but….

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Trump received a conference call from his Top General in Iraq.

General: "This morning, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

Trump's face went Egg shell White. The blood left his face and to every ones amazement he collapsed on the floor.

Minutes passed and to every ones relief President Trump sat back on his chair

His staff was nothing less than stunned at this display of emotion from their commander in chief, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands, waiting for him to faint again.

Finally, the President looks up and with a shaky quivering voice asks the General "How many is a brazillion?"

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What has 3 arms and 4 legs?

My son's shitty drawing of a snake

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My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?"

"Whatever means necessary," she replied.

"No it doesn't." I said.

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