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Thứ Sáu, 17 tháng 1, 2020

Scientists removed the right half of a man's noggin...

...and then, they asked him to count to ten. The man counted,

"Two, four, six, eight, ten."

Then they put the right half back and removed the left half, and again asked the man to count to ten. The man counted,

"One, three, five, seven, nine."

The scientists then removed both halves of the man's noggin, and asked him again to count to ten.

The man said,

"Look, we're gonna count to ten. We're gonna count. Because I know numbers, I have the best numbers. All the politicians in Washington can't count to one- believe me, I've counted to one many, many times. They said we couldn't count to ten. Well, I'm beating all of those people in the polls. We're gonna count to ten. Everybody, count to ten. Okay? And let me tell you - let me tell you something. I will be the best counting President that God has ever created. We are gonna count to so many tens, I tell you. Look at that!"

What's that Italian dessert called where you pour espresso coffee over ice cream?

Everyone I ask can't remember either.

I call my hand Handy and my foot Footy. What do I call my dick?

Useful. Because it always comes in Handy.

Thank god Canada’s not the super power

or we’d all be sorry

A bodybuilder and a Blonde

The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a great chest you have!"

He tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby."

He takes off his pants and the blonde says,' "What massive calves you have!" The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby."

He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.

The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!"

I told my boss three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my job...

We haggled for a few minutes and he gave me a 5% raise.

Leaving his office, he stopped and asked me, “By the way, which companies are after you?”

I responded, “The gas, electric and cable company.”

I'm so tired of jokes about gay people

I mean come on guys