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Thứ Ba, 21 tháng 1, 2020

After a preacher died and went to heaven, he noticed a New York cab driver had been awarded a higher place than him

“I don’t understand,” he complained to God. “I devoted my entire life to my congregation.”

God explained to him, “Our policy here in heaven is to reward results. Now, was your congregation well attuned to you whenever you gave a sermon?”

“Well,” the minister had to admit, “some in the congregation fell asleep from time to time.”

“Exactly,” said God, “and when people rode in this man’s taxi, they not only stayed awake, they even prayed.”

“Judge, 60% of my parking tickets are bogus!”

Judge: Repeat infractions?

Man: Fine. 3/5 of my tickets are bogus!

I got arrested for illegally downloading Wikipedia in its entirety

Before I got arrested I said "wait I can explain everything'

What's the definition of a reverse exorcism?

It's when you ask the Devil to get the priest out of your little boy

Hey Bob, do you shower after sex

  • Hey Bob, do you shower after sex?

  • Well, of course I do.

  • Great, could you please get laid more often?

If big feet means big dick and big car means small dick...

Then no wonder people are so scared of clowns.

If a kid refuses to sleep during a nap time..

Are they guilty of resisting a rest?