On a plane
Thứ Ba, 28 tháng 1, 2020
Everyone knows of famous martial artist, Bruce Lee
But no one ever talks about his family.
His brother, the revolutionary vegetarian activist, Brocco Lee.
His cousin, the hesitant statistician, Probab Lee.
His uncle, the trustworthy politician, Honest Lee.
And of course, the Spanish inquisitor, Juan "Expected" Lee.
A husband and wife were sleeping one night
When they wake up the next morning, the wife says, "I had a funny dream. I dreamt that there was an auction and they were auctioning off penis'. Little ones were $10, big ones were $100"
"How much was were the ones like mine going for?"
"They were giving them away."
"Well," He says, "I had a similar dream. I dreamed that there was an auction for vaginas. Big ones were $10 and little ones were $100."
"What about ones like mine?" She inquires.
"That's where they had the auction!"
What do you call a person who doesn’t wash his hands after pooping?
Arnold from marketing on the 7th floor. Fuck you dude, that’s disgusting. I know you sort by new and can see this. Wash your hands and Lysol your keyboard.
This guy Bill has been having headaches for about 40 years..
...he doesnt know what to do so he finally goes to a doctor for the pain. The doctor checks him and says "bill I’m not sure how to tell you this , but you have a very rare condition where your balls press up against your spine and put pressure on your head. That’s why you've been getting these headaches" Bill shocked and scared asks the doctor "what should i do doc" Doctor sighs and tells Bill "im sorry only thing we can do is castrate you" . Bill is shocked , he shudders at the thought of getting his balls cut off . He tells the doctor he’ll think about it and leaves. He thinks about it for sometime and finally after working up the courage he goes back to the doc and agrees to do the procedure . Finally after a long long painful surgery Bill walks out a new man. He walks around for the first time without his balls and tries not to think about his loss. He walks around and passes by a suit store he tells himself 'I am a new man today!...let me buy my new self some clothes” . He goes in and asks the owner "sir can u get me a blazer" the owner looks at him and says "one blazer coming up size 13" bill is amazed that the guy was able to tell his size by just looking at him and says "damn how'd u know" the owner answers "been in the business 50 years" bill tells him “ ok then let me get pants" the owner says "one pair of pants coming up size 35 waist" again bill is amazed he asks the guy "how did u know?" .."been in the business 50 yrs i know it all" Bill still surprised asks him "how about a pair of underwear" the owner looks at him and says "one pair of underwear size 10 coming up" bill jumps up and says "ha you were wrong im a size 8 been wearing 8 for 40 years " the owner looks at him concerned and retorts”well you shouldnt have ....8 is too small ,it will make your balls press up against your spine and give you a crazy headache".
A very old joke called, "Why Worry?"
Why Worry?
In life, there are really only two things to worry about. Either you are well, or you are sick.
If you are well, there's nothing to worry about.
If you are sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you get better, or you die.
If you get better, there's nothing to worry about.
If you die, there are two things to worry about. Going to Heaven, or going to Hell.
If you go to Heaven, there's nothing to worry about.
If you go to Hell, you'll be so busy shaking hands with all your friends that you won't have time to worry...so why worry?
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