Funny Story

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Thứ Ba, 4 tháng 2, 2020

I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.

The look on his face was priceless.

So our boss just banned overly specific nicknames.

Now our whole office is staring at Rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner

A little girl opens the door to find a priest with a collection tin.

“What can I do for you, Father?”

“I’m collecting for the orphanage.”

“Just a moment,” says the little girl, closing the door.

The priest waits patiently, then suddenly hears first one gunshot, then another. The little girl returns to the door and says:

“OK, you can take me now.”

I know the whole truth.

At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"

I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts:

Leave me the fuck cologne.

Recently started dating a chinese girl but not sure if I want to keep going.

She’s been raising a lot of red flags.

I wish I had the sexual power of snow.

People cancel everything and rearrange their entire lives just for three inches coming fast.