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Thứ Ba, 4 tháng 2, 2020

I know the whole truth.

At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"

I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts:

Leave me the fuck cologne.

Recently started dating a chinese girl but not sure if I want to keep going.

She’s been raising a lot of red flags.

I wish I had the sexual power of snow.

People cancel everything and rearrange their entire lives just for three inches coming fast.

A couple go to a bar during karaoke night...

and they hear a man sing to most beautiful cover of Stairway to Heaven they had ever heard. Since they were planning their wedding at this time, they approach the man after his performance.

"Wow, that was an amazing cover! Would you like to come perform at the reception of our wedding?" they ask him.

"I would love to! As a matter of fact, I'm a justice too, so I could even wed you two in the same day!" he replied.

So it was settled, and the man showed up to their wedding, and wed the two together. Everything was going just perfect until the reception... Ever song the man sang was just horrendous, he was off key in every verse, and at some points even forgot the lyrics. The moral of the story is, never book a judge by his cover.

Two men walk into a bar. One man orders H2O. The other says,"I'll have H2O, too."

The second man dies.

That's why you shouldn't repost.

Dong. Ding Dong.

  • James Bond's doorbell