we had sex
Thứ Sáu, 7 tháng 2, 2020
So a German, an Englishman and an Irishman
were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when they were arrested by Saudi police. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so they are all sentenced to death!
However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to appeal their sentences down to 20 lashes each of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced: "As it is my first wife's birthday today, she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
The German was first in line; after thinking for a bit he said, "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but after only 10 lashes the whip had shredded the pillow. When the punishment was done the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying in pain.
The Englishman was next up. After watching the German in horror he asked, "Please tie two pillows to my back." This time it took 15 lashes, but once again the pillows were shredded, and the Englishman was led away bleeding and whimpering in pain.
The Irishman was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from the most beautiful part of the world I have ever seen. Because of this, you may have two wishes!"
"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," the Irishman replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honorable man from a beautiful island, you are also very brave," the Sheikh said with admiration. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish?"
And the Irishman said, "Tie the Englishman to my back."
A guy went to museum to see a dinosaur bone exhibit.
A guy went to a museum to see a dinosaur bone exhibit. He walks around the galleries and is quite impressed by the reconstruction of these ancient animals--a T-rex, a triceratops and more. He sees a guy who works for the museum standing near one of them and says to him. "They're quite a sight. How old are they anyhow?"
The guy who works for the museum, says, "This one, the T Rex, is 66 million years old and six months."
"Wow, the guy responds that is amazing that they can be that specific. How do you know?"
"Well," the guy responds. "He was 66 million years old six months ago and that's when I started working here."
Thứ Năm, 6 tháng 2, 2020
If I could ask Neil deGrasse Tyson anything, it would be...
How different do you think your life would have been if your parents named you Moe instead of Neil and would you still use your full name?
Eric is looking for a new desk for his office and he spots one that looks perfect in an antique shop window. He goes inside and asks the shopkeeper how much it is.
“That desk is going for £2000,” says the shopkeeper.
“$2000 for an old desk? That’s outrageous!” exclaims Eric.
“Ah,” says the shopkeeper, “but this is a magic desk.” He turns to the desk and asks, “Desk, how much money do I have in my pocket?”
The desk taps one of its legs on the floor four times. The shopkeeper turns out his pocket and, sure enough, there are four pound coins there.
“Wow, that’s pretty cool,” says Eric. “Alright, desk, how much money does my wife have in her bank account?”
At this, the desk goes wild, manically banging all four of its legs up and down repeatedly for over five minutes non-stop.
“Damn, where did she get all that from?” asks Eric.
The desk’s legs slide apart and its drawers fall down.
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