I'm trying to leave, but all the roads have this weird design flaw...
Thứ Ba, 11 tháng 2, 2020
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to her and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a handsome prince.”
She bent over, picked up the frog and put it in her pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a handsome prince, I will stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog out of her pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a prince, I’ll be your devoted boyfriend.” Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into her pocket. Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a handsome prince, and that I’ll be your devoted boyfriend. Why won’t you kiss me?” The engineer said, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a boyfriend, but a talking frog……that’s cool.”
An American man, a French man, a Spanish man and a German man are standing on the sidewalk, trying to watch a street performer juggle bowling pins.
The juggler notices they're having a bit of trouble, so he stands on a large wooden box and says to them, "Can you see me now?"
They answer one at a time:
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Sí."
"Ja."
A dumb kid walks into an ice cream shop...
Kid: “I’ll have a scoop of vanilla and a scoop of chocolate please.”
Clerk: “Sorry kid, we're out of chocolate.”
Kid: “OK. Make it a scoop of strawberry and a scoop of chocolate.”
Clerk: “No, no, you don't understand, it’s chocolate we're out of,”
Kid: “Ah, OK. Then gimme a scoop of raspberry, and a scoop of chocolate.”
Clerk: “Listen kid, can you spell the VAN in vanilla?”
Kid: “Sure! V-A-N.”
Clerk: “Can you spell the STRAW in strawberry?”
Kid: “Sure! S-T-R-A-W!
Clerk: “Can you spell the FUCK in chocolate?”
Kid: “There is no FUCK in chocolate!”
Clerk: “THAT’S what I’m trying to tell you.”
Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news & bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because, since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Mary replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."
Thứ Hai, 10 tháng 2, 2020
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