One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking cigarettes.

Little Johnny asks, "Grandpa can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No", said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough."

The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asks, "Grandpa can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No", said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough."

The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asks, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" His grandpa replied, "it most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself. These are my cookies!"

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I wouldn’t say it’s easy living with erectile dysfunction.

But it’s not hard.

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I asked my wife to dress up as my favourite Star Wars character for some sexy birthday fun

I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,

"Babes, Jabba the Hutt is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,

"Fuck you asshole" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"

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Why did the latino man go to the therapist?

To talk about hispanic attacks.

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I wish I could be ugly for just 1 day

Because being ugly every day sucks... :(

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When does 1 + 1 = 3?

When you don't pull out.

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My wife screamed in pain during labour

I asked, “What’s wrong?”.

She screamed. “These contractions are killing me!!”

“I am sorry, honey.” I replied. “What is wrong?”

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