A Wife took a DNA test for her kid

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks strange so she decides to do a DNA test.

She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you.

Husband: What's up?

Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not our kid

Husband: Well you don't remember, do you??

When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had pissed and spoiled his underwear.

Then you said:

• Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here.

So I went inside, got a clean one and left the dirty one there.

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Gandhi

Did you know that Gandhi used to have hot young women sleep naked in his bed with him? The idea was that he could conquer his baser desires and prove his self-control by abstaining from sex with them.

I tried a similar thing by leaving half a box of Double Stuff Oreos on my counter, and I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m pretty sure Gandhi banged every single one of those chicks.

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Trump walks into a bar

and lowers it

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The Earth used to be flat...

Until they buried yo momma.

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The teacher asks how you put 2 holes in 1 hole.

Nobody knows the answer so she puts her index finger and thumb together and places it over her nose.

Little Johnny then asks the teacher "How do you put 6 holes in 1 hole?"

She says she doesn't know.

He says "You put a recorder up your pussy!"

The teacher, surprised by this answer yells "Johnny! I do NOT tolerate such language in my class! Also, a recorder has 10 holes! Not 6!"

Little Johnny says "Yeah I know but I didn't know you could fit it all the way in!"

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Gay people have no excuse to have a bad fashion sense

Like homie what were you doing in the closet that whole time

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Dads are just like boomerangs..

.. I hope

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