A nine-year-old boy was in his mother’s bedroom while his father was away at work.

Suddenly, he heard his mother coming in with a man and hid in the closet. The two kissed, then began to make out, before suddenly the front door opened and the boy could hear his father calling from downstairs. His mother quickly took her lover and shoved him into the closet, unaware that her son was in there.

"Dark in here," the boy says.

"Yes, it is," the man replies.

"I have a baseball."

"That's nice."

"Want to buy it?"

"No, thanks."

"That's my dad outside."

"How much did you say the baseball was again?"

"$250."

The man reluctantly paid the boy, and after waiting for an hour, finally managed to sneak out of the house unseen.

A few weeks later, it happens again.

"Dark in here," the boy says.

"Yes, it is," the man replies.

"I have a baseball glove."

"That's nice."

"Want to buy it?"

"No, thanks."

"I think I just remembered something I needed to tell my dad."

"How much did you say the glove was again?"

"$750."

"Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!"

"I can't. I sold them," the boy replies.

"Really? How much did you sell them for?"

"$1,000."

"It's terrible to over-charge your friends like that! That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

"Dark in here," the boy says.

The priest growls. "Don't start that shit again."

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Have you ever heard of virtual bubble wrap?

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I had my picture taken with the band R.E.M. once...

That's me in the corner.

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A policeman searched me in a public toilet last night and found a small bag of class A drugs

"It's not my fault," I said, "Every time I try flushing them down the toilet they magically appear back in my pocket again."

"Do you really expect me to believe that?" he laughed. I said, "I'll prove it to you if you want me to!"

"Go on then." he smiled, handing me the bag.

After flushing them, he looked at me and said, "Well, show me your pocket then."

"What for?" I asked.

He said, "The drugs."

I said, "What drugs?"

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How many lightning bugs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, but I have no idea how they got in there.

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I went into a pharmacy and asked “what gets rid of Coronavirus?”

The assistant replied “ammonia cleaner” I said “I’m sorry, I thought you worked here”

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What follows 16 sodium atoms?

Batman

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