It's just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away
Thứ Sáu, 3 tháng 4, 2020
A Blonde Woman Asks For A $5000 Loan
A blonde woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan.
The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?"
The woman says, "Yes, of course. I'll use my Rolls Royce."
The banker, stunned, asks, "A $250,000 Rolls Royce? Really?"
The woman is completely positive. She hands over the keys, as the bankers and loan officers laugh at her. They check her credentials, make sure she is the title owner. Everything checks out. They park it in their underground garage for two weeks.
When she comes back, she pays off the $5,000 loan as well as the $15.41 interest.
The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very appreciative of your business with us, but I have one question. We looked you up and found out that you are a multi-millionaire. Why would you want to borrow $5,000?"
The woman replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
This is a joke my dad told me. He said he originally heard it from his father, who heard it from his father before him.
A man goes to the doctor and says
"Doc, I think I have a tapeworm"
The doctor looks at him and says
"Well, we're all out of medicine for that, but there might be something else I can do for you. Come home, then come back tomorrow with an orange, a Twinkie, and a baseball bat"
So the man goes home and gathers up his supplies, then goes to bed and shows up the next day with an orange, a Twinkie, and a baseball bat. The doctor takes the baseball bat and sets in the corner, then takes the orange and shoves it up the man's butt. He waits five minutes, then puts the Twinkie up after it. The doctor then tells the man to go home and come back the next day with another orange, and another Twinkie.
So the man goes home, and he comes back the next day with another orange and another Twinkie. The doctor takes the orange and he shoves it up the man's butt, then he waits five minutes then puts the Twinkie up after it.
The doctor and the man go on like this for a week, with the man coming back every day with an orange and a Twinkie.
Finally, at the end of the week, the doctor tells the man to come back the next day with just an orange. The man goes home, gets his orange and comes back the next day. The doctor takes the orange and, as is usual, shoves it up the man's butt. Then he waits. Five minutes go by, then ten, and the man starts to get impatient, but the doctor won't let him leave. Finally after half an hour, the man feels something shift inside his stomach. Suddenly, the tapeworm sticks his head out the man's ass and says "Hey! Where's my Twinkie?" And the doctor hits it with the baseball bat.
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I originally heard this joke in Spanish so sorry if it didn't translate quite right. I've never seen it on this subreddit or heard it from anyone else so I figured I'd post it. Let me know if you've seen it somewhere else, because I'd love to hear some other versions of it.
A Chinese doctor can't find a job in a hospital in the US, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside that reads "GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100."
An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.
Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."
Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."
Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene."
Chinese: "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20."
The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money.
Lawyer: "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything."
Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth."
Lawyer (annoyed): "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste."
Chinese: "Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20."
The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.
Lawyer: "My eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all."
Chinese: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100."
Lawyer (staring at the note): "But this is $20, not $100!!"
Chinese: "Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20"
Did you hear Mike Tyson was just arrested for nearly beating a Pizza Hut waitress to death?
As he was finishing eating, she asked "Hey, mister, you wanna box for the rest of your pizza?"
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