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Thứ Sáu, 10 tháng 4, 2020

A Blonde and A lawyer.

A lawyer and a blonde are waiting at the airport next to each other. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game of Find the Answer. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa. " Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn."

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He searches on the airport wifi, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

My wife and i decided we don't want to have children!

We will be telling them tonight.

Why did Princess Leia contract coronavirus?

Because she went to woo Han.

Who took all of the toilet paper at the store?

Assholes.

Having gay parents must suck

You either have to live with twice the number of dad jokes or you get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mum."

A Jewish man decides his son isn't religious enough, so he pays for him to go visit Israel...

When his son comes back, however, he says he's now a Christian.

Exasperated, the man goes to his friend for advice, but his friend says, "that's funny, I sent my son to Israel last year and when he came back, he also said he was Christian."

The two men decide to speak to their rabbi about this, but when they explain the situation the rabbi says, "that's funny, two years ago I sent my son to Israel, and he also came back a Christian."

The three men decide only God can have the answer, so they pray. The rabbi says aloud "dear God, all three of us sent our sons to Israel, and all of them came back Christian."

God's voice booms down, "that's funny…"

Thứ Năm, 9 tháng 4, 2020

Bob broke his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him

"How you doing?", Mick asks.

"Fine, dude", Bob answers, "hey will you do me a favor... go upstairs and get me my slippers. My feet are fuckin freezin."

Mick goes up and sees Bob's hot 21 year old twin sisters lying on the bed. He tells 'em, "Your brother sent me up to have sex with both of you."

They say, "Prove it."

Mick shouts, "Bob... both of them?"

Bob shouts back, "Of course!! Whats the point of fuckin one?"