I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

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Once a DOCTOR and an ENGINEER entered a chocolate store

Once a DOCTOR and an ENGINEER entered a chocolate store...

While they were busy looking around,doctor stole 3 chocolate bars...

As they left the store, doctor said to Engineer : "Man! I'm the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me. You can't beat that"

Engineer replied: "You wanna see something better? Let's go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing"

So they went to the counter and Engineer said to the Shop boy: "Do you wanna see magic..?"

The Shop boy replied: "Yes..!!!"

Engineer said: "Give me one chocolate bar!"

The shop boy gave him one, and he ate it... He asked for the second, and he ate that as well.. He asked for the third, and finished that one too...

The shop boy asked: "But where's the magic..?"

Engineer replied: "Check in my friend's pocket, and you'll find them..!!!"

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I HATE when homeless people shake their cans of change at me.

I get it, you have more money than me, you don't have to show off.

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WARNING!! They said you only have to wear masks and gloves to go grocery shopping but they LIED!

Apparently you have to wear clothes too.

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In exactly 3030 years, there's a chance things could be really good, and theres a chance things could be really bad

I guess it will be 5050

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What does the scrotum of a catholic priest look like?

Stupid question, even a child knows that.

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"The car won't start," said a wife to her husband.

"I think there's water in the carburetor."

"How do you know?" said the husband contemptuously. "You don't even know what the carburetor is."

"I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I 'm sure there's water in the carburetor."

"We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it out. Where's the car?"

"In the swimming pool."

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