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Thứ Tư, 22 tháng 4, 2020

A bodybuilder and a blonde

The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a great chest you have!"

He tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby."

He takes off his pants and the blonde says,' "What massive calves you have!" The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby."

He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.

The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!"

What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?

Miss by a few inches and you’re in deep shit

So I had an interview last year

The interviewer: You answers should be quick Me: Ok Interviewer: what is 1490/52? Me:quick

Sunday: Greg. Monday: Ian. Tuesday: Greg. Wednesday: Ian. Thursday: Greg. Friday: Ian. Saturday: Greg

So this is how the Gregorian calendar was created.

Thứ Ba, 21 tháng 4, 2020

My 8 year old cousin: " Why did the chicken cross the road?"

8yo cousin: To get to the idiot's house.

Me (patronizingly): Oh..uh..yeah good one haha.

8yo cousin: Wanna hear another one? Knock knock

Me: Who's there

8yo: The chicken.

A man walks in a bar and says: 'I'd like 7 double wiskeys, please.'

The bartender nods and starts pouring 7 glasses of wiskey.

As soon as the first glass is ready the man starts chugging, one glass after another.

The bartender, dumbfolded, asks the man: 'Why are you drinking so fast?'

The man awnsers: 'well, you would do the same as me, if you had what I have,' while chugging the last glass of wiskey.

'So, what is it that you have?' asks the bartender.

The man: 'not a single penny'

I saw 2 men in matching outfits I asked them if they were gay

They arrested me