A guy goes to Las Vegas to gamble and he loses all his money. He doesn't even have enough for a cab, but he flagged one down anyway. He explained to the driver that he would pay him back next time and gave him his phone number, but the driver told him, "Get the fuck out of my cab."

He walked all the way to the airport and got home.

Some times rolls by and he decides to go back to Vegas again and this time he wins BIG.

He gets his bags and is ready for the airport with all his new winnings.

There are a line of cabs and at the very end he sees the driver from last time that kicked him out.

He stood for a moment thinking how can he get his revenge on that driver.

So, he gets in the first cab.

"How much is it to the airport?" he asks.

The driver says, "$15."

"Great, how much is it for a blowjob on the way there?"

The cab driver says, "Get the fuck out of my cab."

So he goes to the next one and asks the same thing.

"How much to airport?"

"$15."

"Great, how much for a blowjob on the way there?"

And that cab driver also tells him to get the fuck out of his cab.

He does this all the way down the line of drivers, each one kicking him out.

He finally gets to the last driver, the one from his last trip.

He asks, "Hey how much to the airport?"

Driver responds, "$15."

The guy hands him $15 and says, "Great let's go!"

And so the driver leaves, slowly passing all the other drivers who are staring out their window while the guy in the back smiles back with a thumbs up.

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Did you know if you rearrange all the letters in Post Office

They get really annoyed

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A pun walks in and kills 10 people...

Pun in, ten dead.

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A little British boy raises his hand to ask his teacher a question

"Miss, My mother says freedom is the most beautiful thing in the world. What does freedom mean?"

The teacher seeing the importance of this question for the sweet, innocent child, thinks quickly about how best to respond.

She smiles sweetly and says "Why don't you come up and tell the class what you think freedom is dear"

The little boy comes up to the front of the class and the teacher hands him a big thick dictionary of english.

"Go on dear, find us the definition of freedom"

The boy arrives at the section for F and finds the definition.

"Freedom means doing whatever you want whenever you feel like it with total disregard for others no matter the consequences it has for the people around you or the destruction is causes. Freedom is the broken record answer you give to end every reasonable arguement where someone tries to get you to do something you don't feel like doing."

The teacher is shocked, The class looks up stunned and confused and the little boy bows his head in dissapointment, tears filling his eyes.

About to console the little boy, the teacher notices the cover of the dictionary and beams a bright smile.

"Don't worry class!" she rejoices,

"That one is American English"

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Made in response to all the lockdown protestors in America who won't stfu and stop putting their country to shame. They don't define America

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A daughter accidentally sees her mother getting out of the shower.

The girl points at the mom’s pubic hair and says “Mommy, what’s that?” The mom, not knowing how to respond, replies “Uh, it’s my washcloth”. The daughter accepts this answer and runs off to play.

About two weeks later, the mother finds herself in the same precarious situation. “Mommy! Where did your washcloth go?” the girl says in shock. “I lost it, honey” replies the mom. “Ok!” The daughter says as she darts off.

Later that night as the mother is on the couch reading a book the daughter runs in, excited, “Mommy!! Mommy!! I found your washcloth!”

“You did?! Where was it??” “The maid has it!” the daughter shouted “And she’s washing daddy’s face with it!”

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A woman was in bed with 3 men when her husband came home.

One of them hid in the closet, the second one went under the bed, and the third one went to the balcony.

After a while, the one under the bed came out and said: "OK, madam, your bed is fixed now." She told her husband that she called this guy to repair one of the legs of the bed. The husband thanks him and gives him money.

Later, the one in the closet steps out and says "Now, your drawers are working properly." The husband thanks him too and gives him money.

The one in the balcony, who saw everything but did not hear anything, came out with great excitement and said: "I fucked her too."

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6 was afraid of 7 because 789. But why did 7 eat 9?

Because he needed 3² meals a day.

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