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Thứ Sáu, 1 tháng 5, 2020

I didn’t know what to wear to my premature ejaculation support group

So I just came in my pants.

How do you embarrass an archeologist?

Hand him a used tampon and ask which period it’s from.

When I was a kid, my parents would always say, “Excuse my French!” after a swear word...

I’ll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French...

A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in.

“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog.

“I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.”

The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on Earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?”

The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”

I’m hosting a charity for men struggling to ejaculate

If you can’t come let me know

Karen got hired to an offshore rig during the pandemic.

She's an essential oil worker now.

True story but funny.

While filling my car up i noticed a woman smoking while filling her car up, silly thing to do but I know better than to confront strangers about their stupidity.

I see 2 cops on the other side of the street, they can see her but they aren't doing anything about it... tax dollars in action I guess.

As I am going to pay I hear this screaming behind me, like "I am dying" type screaming. I look around and see that this womans arm is on fire! She is literally running around the station waving her arm in the air! The cops jump into action and put the fire out, then arrest and handcuff her!

I think this is a bit harsh and that the woman should be going to the hospital, not jail so I ask one cop why are they arresting her.

The cop replied, "For waving a firearm in public"