What's the difference between jam and jelly?

I ain't never been caught in a traffic jelly. Slaps knee

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Nobody's heard from the Zamboni drivers since the NHL cancelled their season.

I'm sure they'll resurface at some point.

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What's the difference between 4-layer toilet paper and a liberal arts major?

You don't find 4-layer toilet paper at McDonalds!

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The Island Joke.

There was an island with three kingdoms on it. Let's call them A, B and C. The island had a fresh water lake on it and the lake itself had an island. The three kingdoms always kept fighting over this island.

One day the three kingdoms decided to settle this dispute once it for all and sent small portions of their armies. Kingdom A sent 15 knights and 25 squires; kingdom B send 20 knights and 25 squires and Kingdom C sent one knight and one squire.

The knights decided among themselves that this fighting was beneath them and decided to let the squires settle things by themselves. While the squires of Kingdom A and Kingdom B were warming up, the squire of Kingdom C erected a tall pole, tied a noose to it and hung a pot in the noose.

When they actually started fighting, the squire of kingdom C was able to successfully fight off all the other squires, because the squire of the high-pot-and-noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

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Here's an actual joke from my 6 year old

What is the pirates favorite part of the house?

The back-yarrrrrghd!

He was very proud of this joke and wanted to know if it was a good pun.

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‌‌Superman h‌‌ad a‌‌ h‌‌uge c‌‌rush o‌‌n W‌‌onder W‌‌oman but he was t‌‌oo s‌‌cared t‌‌o t‌‌ell h‌‌er, f‌‌earing i‌‌t w‌‌ould r‌‌uin t‌‌heir w‌‌ork r‌‌elationship.

O‌‌ne d‌‌ay, h‌‌e w‌‌as u‌‌sing h‌‌is X‌‌-ray v‌‌ision t‌‌o w‌‌atch h‌‌er i‌‌n h‌‌er a‌‌partment. H‌‌e s‌‌aw h‌‌er p‌‌ut o‌‌n m‌‌usic a‌‌nd s‌‌tart t‌‌aking h‌‌er c‌‌lothes o‌‌ff. S‌‌he s‌‌at d‌‌own o‌‌n h‌‌er b‌‌ed. S‌‌he w‌‌as g‌‌etting i‌‌n t‌‌he r‌‌omantic m‌‌ood. S‌‌he w‌‌as s‌‌quirming a‌‌round, a‌‌ppearing a‌‌s i‌‌f s‌‌he w‌‌as h‌‌aving a‌‌ s‌‌exual d‌‌ream.

S‌‌uperman t‌‌hought... “She’s p‌‌robably d‌‌reaming a‌‌bout m‌‌e, and you k‌‌now w‌‌hat, I‌‌’m f‌‌aster t‌‌han a‌‌ s‌‌peeding b‌‌ullet, I‌‌ c‌‌ould f‌‌ly i‌‌n, f‌‌uck h‌‌er a‌‌nd f‌‌ly o‌‌ut, a‌‌nd s‌‌he w‌‌ouldn’t k‌‌now w‌‌hat h‌‌appened!”

S‌‌o h‌‌e d‌‌id e‌‌xactly t‌‌hat. H‌‌e f‌‌lew i‌‌n q‌‌uickly, d‌‌id h‌‌er a‌‌nd f‌‌lew a‌‌way.

“‌‌What t‌‌he h‌‌ell w‌‌as t‌‌hat?”, W‌‌onder W‌‌oman asked.

“‌‌I d‌‌on’t k‌‌now, b‌‌ut m‌‌y a‌‌sshole i‌‌s k‌‌illing m‌‌e!”, I‌‌nvisible M‌‌an answered.

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Since vampires are hurt by holy water, I always wondered why Priests don’t bless storm clouds and kill them from above. Then I realized why most vampires live in Europe

Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa

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