How do you tell the sex of an ant?

Put it in water If it sinks girl ant If it floats boyant

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What’s Joe Biden’s favorite arcade game?

Space Invaders

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My wife found out I was cheating when she saw the letters I was hiding

After that she refuses to play Scrabble with me.

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My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon 5 years ago, but still has not been awarded a gold medal.

China refuses to acknowledge Ty won.

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*Hits Blunt*

Blunt: Hey what the fuck man

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‌‌I walke‌‌d i‌‌n fro‌‌m wor‌‌k toda‌‌y an‌‌d m‌‌y wif‌‌e wa‌‌s sittin‌‌g o‌‌n th‌‌e sof‌‌a wit‌‌h m‌‌y girlfriend.

‌‌I said‌‌, “What’‌‌s goin‌‌g on?”

“Yo‌‌u tel‌‌l me?‌‌” replie‌‌d m‌‌y wife.

‌‌I said‌‌, “‌‌I don’‌‌t know‌‌, you’r‌‌e sittin‌‌g o‌‌n th‌‌e sof‌‌a wit‌‌h ‌‌a stranger.”

“‌‌A stranger‌‌, hey?‌‌” shoute‌‌d m‌‌y girlfriend‌‌, “I’‌‌m n‌‌o stranger‌‌, we’v‌‌e bee‌‌n havin‌‌g se‌‌x fo‌‌r si‌‌x months!”

‌‌I looke‌‌d a‌‌t m‌‌y wif‌‌e an‌‌d said‌‌, “I‌‌s thi‌‌s true?”

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Dad, how many types of boobs are there?

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?"

The father, suprised, answers "Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, her breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice and hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions."

"Onions?", the son asks.

"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

The daughter and wife are infuriated on hearing this. The daughter asks "Mom, how many kinds of willies are there?"

The mom smiles and says, "Well, dear, a man goes through three phases too. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it's like a birch tree, flexible but reliable. After 50, it's like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?" asks the daughter.

"Yes, dead from the root up, and the balls are just for decoration."

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