It's a girl and weighs 7lbs 12 oz
Thứ Sáu, 19 tháng 6, 2020
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey, orders a drink and while he’s drinking it, the monkey jumps around all over, grabs some olives off the bar, eats them, grabs some sliced limes, eats them, jumps up on the pool table, grabs a cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole...
The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?”
The guy says, “No, what?”
“He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!” says the bartender.
“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me.” replied the patron. “He eats everything in sight. I’ll pay for the cue ball and stuff.”
He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.
Two weeks later he’s in the bar again and he has his monkey with him.
He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar.
He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted.
“Did you see what your monkey did now?”, he asks.
“Now what?”, responds the patron.
“Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!” says the barkeeper.
“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me.” replied the patron. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that cue ball he measures everything first!”
An American man meets a woman while on a business trip to Paris. She barely speaks any English, but their date goes well...
During sex, she is moaning and basically screaming “C'est le mauvais trou”. He is emboldened and confident, seeing how much he’s pleasing her. Over and over again, “C'est le mauvais trou!”
The next day, he’s playing golf with a client who hits an amazing hole in one. Eager to use his new compliment, the man says “C'est le mauvais trou!”
The client replies “What the hell do you mean that’s the wrong hole?!”
A nurse, a doctor, and an anti-vaxxer walk into a bar.
A nurse, a doctor, and an anti-vaxxer walk into a bar.
The nurse sits down at the bar and says, "I'll have a Bloody Mary!"
The doctor sits next to her and says, "Give me a rum and coke!" The anti-vaxver says, "No shots for me." She then collapses and dies from polio.
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