Neither was Obama. Actually I live in India.
Thứ Bảy, 20 tháng 6, 2020
So there is a Priest, a Rabbi, and an Atheist in a boat fishing.
The priest says "Oh heavens, I forgot my lures back on land" and steps out of the boat, walks across the water back to the land, and grabs his lures before walking back to the boat.
The atheist was astounded, but before he could make sense of the situation, the rabbi says "Oh Yahweh help me, I forgot my bait!" And he also steps out of the boat, and walks across the water back to the land to grab his bait, before walking back to the boat.
The atheist was stunned, but refusing to believe in divinity of any sort or it's impact on the world, he says "Yeah... I left my extra line on land". The atheist hips out of the boat and onto the water, and goes to walk across, but falls right through to the bottom of the lake.
After a moment the priest looks at the rabbi and says "Come to think of it, we probably should have told him where the rocks were."
Business was terrible and not picking up. I had to fire somebody, and I narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack.
It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers.
Rather than flip a coin, I decided I would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.
Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.
I approached her and said, "Debra, I’ve never done this before but I have to either lay you or Jack off.”
"Could you jack off for now?" she says. "I feel like shit. If you can wait, I'll do you at lunchtime." ......
I had to let Jack go.
Thứ Sáu, 19 tháng 6, 2020
Three people became shipwrecked on an island inhabited by cannibals.
They were swiftly captured and told they would be killed, cooled, eaten, and their skin would be used to line the tribe’s canoes, but they would be able to choose how they died.
The first man, a British man, decided he wanted to die by the sword. In an instant, a tribesman cut his head off. He was then cooked, eaten, and skinned.
The second man, a Frenchman, decided he wanted to be killed by the gun. He was immediately shot, and the same happened to his body.
The third man, an American, said “I’d like to be stabbed all over with a fork until I die.” Puzzled, a member of the tribe began stabbing him. After about 20 minutes, the American was still clinging to life. The tribesman said “why?! Why did you choose this way of death?! We’re cannibals but even we don’t like to see this kind of torture!”
The American looked up at the tribesman and said “F*CK YOUR CANOES!”
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey, orders a drink and while he’s drinking it, the monkey jumps around all over, grabs some olives off the bar, eats them, grabs some sliced limes, eats them, jumps up on the pool table, grabs a cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole...
The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?”
The guy says, “No, what?”
“He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!” says the bartender.
“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me.” replied the patron. “He eats everything in sight. I’ll pay for the cue ball and stuff.”
He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.
Two weeks later he’s in the bar again and he has his monkey with him.
He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar.
He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted.
“Did you see what your monkey did now?”, he asks.
“Now what?”, responds the patron.
“Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!” says the barkeeper.
“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me.” replied the patron. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that cue ball he measures everything first!”
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