All my years of phone sex finally caught up with me

I have hearing aids

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A man takes a hooker out to dinner. He gives her his peas

She gives him herpes

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It’s a five minute walk from my house to the bar. It’s a 35 minute walk from the bar to my house.

The difference is staggering.

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What does the porn director say to wrap up a gangbang scene?

“It was a great shoot thank you all for coming”

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‌‌Can w‌‌e b‌‌an "‌‌Yo M‌‌omma" j‌‌okes f‌‌rom t‌‌his s‌‌ub? T‌‌hey're o‌‌ld, s‌‌tupid, a‌‌nd h‌‌ave b‌‌een d‌‌one b‌‌y l‌‌iterally e‌‌veryone h‌‌undreds o‌‌f t‌‌imes.

Just l‌‌ike y‌‌o m‌‌omma.

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An Irishman and an Englishman walk into a bakery

The Englishman steals 3 buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn't even see me."

The Irishman replied, "That's just simple thievery, I'II show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results."

The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and says, "Sir, I want to show you a magic trick." The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magic trick. The Irishman asked him for a bun and then he proceeded to eat it. He asked 2 more times and after eating them again the owner says, "Okay my friend, where's the magic trick?".

The Irishman then said, "Look in the Englishman's pockets."

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A guy and an alligator walk into a bar.

The alligator's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a bitch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued." The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you." He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his dick and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants. He says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else wanna try it?" The drunk at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"

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