‌‌After s‌‌ex w‌‌ith m‌‌y n‌‌ew g‌‌irlfriend l‌‌ast n‌‌ight s‌‌he s‌‌nuggled u‌‌p n‌‌ext t‌‌o m‌‌e a‌‌nd s‌‌aid, "‌‌You a‌‌re d‌‌efinitely t‌‌he b‌‌iggest I‌‌'ve e‌‌ver h‌‌ad."

Apparently "‌‌ditto" w‌‌asn't t‌‌he c‌‌orrect r‌‌esponse.

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A Irish man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher Baptizing people in the river.

He proceeds to walk into the water and Subsequently bumps into the preacher...

The preacher turns around and is almost Overcome by the smell of alcohol, Whereupon he asks the drunk,

'Are you ready to find Jesus?'

The drunk shouts, 'Yes, oi am.'

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.

He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?'

The drunk replies, 'No, oi haven't found Jesus.'

The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him Into the water again for a little longer.

He again pulls him out of the water and asks Again, 'Have you found Jesus me brother?'

The drunk again answers, 'No, oi I haven't Found Jesus.'

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again --- But this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking His arms and legs so he pulls Him up.

The preacher again asks the Drunk, 'For the love of God have you Found Jesus?'

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his Breath and says to the preacher, 'Are you sure this is where he fell in?'

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Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?

Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?

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A boob, vagina and asshole were debating on who is the greatest if three of them.

Boobs: I produce milk for babies

Vagina: that's nothing, I produce babies.

Why are you still reading, It's your turn to speak

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How do you get a country girls attention?

A Tractor.

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Heisenberg, Schroedinger and Ohm are in a car...

... And they get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"No, but I know exactly where I am" Heisenberg replies.

The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35." Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Great! Now I'm lost!"

The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?"

"We do now, asshole!" shouts Schroedinger.

The cop moves to arrest them.

Ohm resists.

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A woman is having an affair...

... with a man.

One day, her 14-year-old son hides in the closet to watch what they do.Surprisingly, the husband comes home and the wife hides her lover in the closet without realizing that her son is already in there.

Son: " Kinda dark in here."
Man: "Yes."
Son: "I have a baseball."
Man: "Great."
Son: "Do you want to buy it?"
Man: "No thanks."Son: "
My father is out there ..."
Man: "Okay, how much?"
Son: "250 €"
Man: "Okay."

After three weeks the same thing happens again, once again the son and the lover are in the closet

Son: "Kinda dark in here.
"Man: "Yes."
Son: "I have a baseball glove.
"Man sighs: "How much is it this time?
"Son: "750 €"
Man: "Damn, All right."

A couple of days later the father asks his son to grab his Baseball and his Glove to play

Boy: "I can't, I sold those."
Father: "Really? For how much?"
Boy: "1000 €"
Father: "It is outrageous to rip off your friends like that. You come to church now and confess your sins."

Both go to church and the father puts the boy in the confessional. box

Boy: "Kinda dark in here."
Pastor: "Cut the Crap!"

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