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Thứ Bảy, 4 tháng 7, 2020

Like father like son...

A young boy says to his father "Dad, our math teacher is asking to see you."

"What happened?" The father asks.

"Well, she asks me, 'how much is 7x9?' I answer '63' , then she asks, 'and 9x7?' so I asked 'what's the fucking difference?' "

"What is the difference?" asks the father. ''Sure, I'll go.''

The next day, the boy comes home from school "Dad, have you gone by the school?" He asks.

"Not yet."

"Well when you do, come and see the gym teacher also."

"Why?" asks the father.

The boy explains, "Well, we had a gym class today, and he asked me to raise my left arm, I did. Then my right arm, I also raised it. Then he asked me to lift my right leg, so I did. 'Now,' he says, 'lift your left leg,' so I asked 'What, am I suppose to stand on my dick!?'"

"Exactly," says the father. "Alright, I'll come."

The next day, the boy asks his father "Did you go to the school?"

"No, not yet."

"Don't bother, I got expelled."

Surprised, the father asks "Why did you get expelled?"

"Well, they summoned me to the principal's office, and sitting there were the math teacher, the gym teacher, and the art teacher."

"The fuck was the art teacher doing there!?" asks the father.

"That's what I asked!" said the boy.

My friend and I had arranged a meeting to insult each other but he didn't show up

It was a diss appointment

If you see a robbery in an Apple store,

Does that make you an iWitness?

Wanna know how I quit smoking?

I decided to smoke only after sex.

I asked my doctor when we could anticipate an end to the coronavirus epidemic

He said “I don’t know. I’m not really into politics.”

A farmer buys a young cock.

As soon as he gets home it fucks all 150 of the farmers hens. The farmer is impressed . At lunch the cock once again screws the hens. The next day, to the farmers astonishment, the cock fucks the geese and ducks as well. Sadly later during the day he finds the cock lying half- dead on the ground with vultures circling overhead. The farmer says,"you deserved it you horny bastard!", at which point the cock opens one eye, points up with his wing and says,"Shut up.They're about to land."

Dad: “GO TO YOUR ROOM NOW!”

Child: Storms off “JIM MORRISON WAS OVERRATED!”

Dad: “WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SLAMMING THE DOORS!?”