How many Trump supporters do you need to change a lightbulb?

None. Trump just says it's repaired and they cheer him in the dark.

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A prostitute standing outside a motel in a small town saw a 70+ year old man walking past.

She hasn't had a customer for a while so she whistles at him and says, "Hey, would you like to have some fun time with me?"

The old man said, "But I won't be able to..."

Prostitute: "C'mon man.... give it a try... "

Old man says okay. They go in. The old man whips out his dick and fucks the daylights out of her for 30 minutes.

When he's done, the prostitute all exhausted and tired says, "But you said you won't be able to...."

• ⁠

"...pay you." replied the old man.

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So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal. After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was flown, sparks flew, and smoke filled the air - but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine.

Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free. Somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train. Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon. Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people. The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution. For his final meal, the man requested two bananas. After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was once again unharmed.

Well, this of course meant that he was free to go. And once again, he somehow managed to get his old job back. To what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people. And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death. On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal: three bananas.

"You know what? No," said the executioner. "I've had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I'm not giving you a thing to eat; we're strapping you in and doing this now." Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped in to the electric chair without a last meal. The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was still unharmed. The executioner was speechless.

The man looked at the executioner and said, "Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I'm just a bad conductor."

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While golfing, I accidentally overturned my golf cart.....

A very attractive female golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out:

"Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart.

"Why don't you come up to my villa, rest for a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later.”

I noticed her silky bathrobe was partially open, revealing what appeared to be a very nice figure.

"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it."

"Oh, come on now", she insisted. She was so pretty and very, very persuasive. I was weak ...

"Well, okay," I finally agreed, "However, I'm sure my wife won't like it."

After a couple of Scotch, I thanked her and said:

"I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I'd better go now."

"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, letting her robe fall slightly more open.

"Stay for a while, she won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"Still under the cart, I suppose."

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This was my grandma's favorite joke. She was a trucker.

I was driving down the highway once and there was a hitch hiker trying to get a lift. I picked him up and asked him where to and proceeded on my route. About 15 minutes in he asked "aren't you afraid that I may be a serial killer?" To which I responded "nah, I don't think it's very likely that there will be 2 serial killers in the same truck at the same time"

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George R. R. Martin, Patrick Rothfuss, and Scott Lynch walk into a bar

I'll finish writing the rest of this joke soon.

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A m‌‌an a‌‌ccidentally e‌‌lbows a‌‌ w‌‌oman's b‌‌oob a‌‌s s‌‌he i‌‌s s‌‌tanding b‌‌ehind h‌‌im i‌‌n a‌‌ h‌‌otel l‌‌obby.

T‌‌he m‌‌an a‌‌pologizes p‌‌rofusely a‌‌nd s‌‌ays, "‌‌if y‌‌our h‌‌eart i‌‌s a‌‌s s‌‌oft a‌‌s y‌‌our b‌‌reasts, I‌‌ k‌‌now y‌‌ou'll f‌‌orgive m‌‌e."

To w‌‌hich t‌‌he w‌‌oman r‌‌eplied, "If y‌‌our d‌‌ick i‌‌s a‌‌s h‌‌ard a‌‌s y‌‌our e‌‌lbow, I‌‌'m i‌‌n r‌‌oom 3‌‌18."

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