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Thứ Ba, 21 tháng 7, 2020

A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if hes been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "Hes on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if hed like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"Shes in the Ladies Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Daves wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.

Two men are changing in a locker room when one notices a cork up the other guy's ass.

So he asks him, "How'd you get that cork up your ass?" And the guy says, "Well I was walking on the beach when I found a lamp, so I rubbed it and a genie popped out and said, "I am a genie, I will grant you one wish." So I said "No shit?"

A young couple get married and have their first night together in their new home.

As they are undressing for bed, the husband hands the wife his pants.

"Here, try these on," he says.

"What? Why?" she says.

"Just put them on," he insists.

"They're way too big," she says. "I can't wear those."

"That's right," he says. "I wear the pants in this marriage. Don't you forget it."

"Got it," she says, slipping off her panties and handing them to him. "Here, try these on."

He holds them up and sees how tiny they are.

"Are you kidding?" he says. "I can't get into your panties!"

"That's right. And that's the way it's going to stay until your attitude changes."

With the rise of self driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time...

Until there's a country song where the guy's truck leaves him.

My Mexican uncle takes anti-anxiety medication

It's for Hispanic attacks

NSFW Gay couple on a long flight

During a long night flight, right about everyone have fallen asleep, a gay man says to his partner: -"Hey, lets get freaky" -"No, someone will hear us!" -"No they won't, look everyone is asleep, I'll prove it to you!" "Can I get a glass of water?", he asks quietly. Nobody answers, crickets. "Can I get a glass of water?", this time loudly, but again same thing, nobody answers. His partner convinced, agrees and they get it on!

Next morning, flight attendant is walking down the isle and she sees an old man, he's just shivering from cold.

-"Sir, were you cold during night, why didn't asked for a blanket?"

-"Ask for a blanket?? A man asked for a glass of water and got fucked in the ass the whole night!"

How do you check the weight of a Red Hot Chilli Pepper

You give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.