It wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
Thứ Ba, 11 tháng 8, 2020
A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 16 y/o daughter.
He wanted the party to be extravagant but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.
"Why not get it ordered from an upscale bakery?" his wife said.
So the father visited a ton of different bakeries and did research, but found the prices to be too high.
"My daughter is inviting all of her friends, and I'll look bad if I don't put together a good cake", he thought. Then, he stumbled upon a shop that opened once a year to provide a free cake to its customers.
"How quaint", the father thought, but desperate, he walked inside to see if they could provide a cake for his daughter's birthday.
He was met by a Buddhist monk chanting and lighting incense.
"Hello," the father asked, "I would like to buy a cake."
"Of course," the monk replied, "just draw a picture of the cake you would like on the notepad on the desk."
The father thought this to be weird, but want to save as much money as possible, he gave him the address and told him to come in the backdoor, just in case the cake was bad.
The day of the party arrived and the monk visited the house with the most extravagant cake the family had ever seen. All of the guests were in awe and whispered to each other about how much the cake could have cost.
The monk became the guest of honour and at the end of the party, the father approached the monk and asked,
"Why do you do this for free? You should take money for your services!"
The monk smiled and said, "I do this for free because a cake day is the best way to earn karma."
[Serious] Just a reminder to be careful when telling jokes that may be offensive.
A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at a bar.
I decided to break the ice with the new friends with a few jokes, most of which went down very well...until I decided to tell a few more offensive ones...and picked the worst possible one to start with.
Here's the joke I told:
"What do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath?
Throw your washing (laundry if you're American) in."
One of the new friends instantly became enraged and swung for me. When I asked him what the hell his problem was he replied that his younger brother was epileptic and died in the bath many years ago.
Obviously I felt mortified as I didn't know about it, and said "I'm so sorry to hear that. Did he drown?"
"No," replied the guy. "He choked on a sock."
A librarian is working away at her desk when she notices that a chicken has come into the library and is patiently waiting in front of the desk.
A librarian is working away at her desk when she notices that a chicken has come into the library and is patiently waiting in front of the desk. When the chicken sees that it has the librarian's attention, it squawks, "Book, book, book, BOOK!"
The librarian complies, putting a couple of books down in front of the chicken. The chicken quickly grabs them and disappears.
The next day, the librarian is again disturbed by the same chicken, who puts the previous day's pile of books down on the desk and again squawks, "Book, book, book, BOOK!"
The librarian shakes her head, wondering what the chicken is doing with these books, but eventually finds some more books for the chicken. The chicken disappears.
The next day, the librarian is once again disturbed by the chicken, who squawks (in a rather irritated fashion, it seems), "Book, book, book, BOOK!"
By now, the librarian's curiosity has gotten the better of her, so she gets a pile of books for the chicken, and follows the bird when it leaves the library.
She follows it through the parking lot, down the street for several blocks, and finally into a large park. The chicken disappears into a small grove of trees, and the librarian follows. On the other side of the trees is a small marsh. The chicken has stopped on the side of the marsh. The librarian, now really curious, hurries over and sees that there is a small frog next to the chicken, examining each book, one at a time. The librarian comes within earshot just in time to hear the frog saying, "Reddit, reddit, reddit..."
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