It was tit for tat.
Thứ Ba, 11 tháng 8, 2020
A college professor reminds her class of the next day’s final exam saying, “I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever"
A guy sitting at the back asks, “What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, and says, “Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.”
My favorite NSFW Joke: A guy calls his friend, and says "you're not gonna BELIEVE what happened to me last night...
I was walking home from the bar, and I saw this woman tied to the railroad tracks, like in the old silent movies!"
His friend says "that's crazy! So what did you do?"
"Well, I untied her of course! And then I took her home and had sex with her all night long."
His friend says "that's amazing, did you get a blowjob out of it too?"
"nah... I couldn't find her head"
A man and a woman were dating. She, being of a religious nature, had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so badly. In fact, he had never even seen her naked.
One day, as they slowly drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits. "I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit [60 MPH] you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing."
He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car. He reached the 65 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse. At 70 off came the pants. At 75 it was her bra and At 80 her panties. Now seeing her naked for the first time...and traveling faster than he ever had before...he became very excited and lost control of the car.
He veered off the road, went over an embankment, and hit a tree! His girlfriend was not hurt, but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas he was stuck.
"Go to the road and get help," he said. "I don't have anything to cover myself with!" she replied.
The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. "You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he told her. So she did as he said and went up to the road for help.
Along came a truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story. "My boyfriend! My boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!"
The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replied, "Ma'am if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!"
Thứ Hai, 10 tháng 8, 2020
Where are we?
Not mine:
Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly? The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiing."
3 guys walk into a bar...
3 guys walk into the bar, and soon begin a competition.
The first man says, "I have small arms, I bet I have the smallest arms in the world!"
The second man carries on, "I have tiny feet, I bet I have the smallest feet in the world!"
The third man stands up proudly, and announces to everyone, "I have a miniscule dick! I bet I have the smallest dick in the world!"
And so, the three men all walk into the Guinness World records building to find out if they are all really that small.
The first man walks out, holding a certificate. "Its true, I do have the smallest arms in the world!"
The second man walks out, holding a certificate too. "It's true, I do have the smallest feet in the world!"
The third man storms out of the building, empty handed. "Who the hell is u/CouncilYeti "
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