I hate my boss
Thứ Tư, 12 tháng 8, 2020
One day when Jesus was relaxing in Heaven, He happened to notice a familiar-looking old man.
Wondering if the old man was His father Joseph, Jesus asked him, "Did you, by any chance, ever have a son?"
"Yes," said the old man, "but he wasn't my biological son. He was born by a miracle, by the intervention of a magical being from the heavens."
"Very interesting," said Jesus. "Did this boy ever have to fight temptation?"
"Oh, yes, many times," answered the old man. "But he eventually won. Unfortunately, he heroically died at one point, but he came back to life shortly afterwards."
Jesus couldn't believe it. Could this actually be His father?
"One last question," He said. "Were you a carpenter?"
"Why yes," replied the old man. "Yes I was."
Jesus rubbed His eyes and said, "Dad?"
The old man rubbed his eyes and said, "Pinocchio?"
A woman was pulled over for speeding. This is what happened:
Woman: Is there a problem Officer.
Officer: ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Woman: Lost it four times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see... Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 Police cars circle her car. A Senior Officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer2: Ma'am, could you step out of the vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer2: One of my Officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer2: Yes. Could you open the trunk of your car please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Woman: Yes Officer, here are the registration papers. The Officer is quite stunned.
Officer2: One of my Officers claims that you do not have a driver's license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the Officer. The Officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer2: Thank you ma'am. One of my Officers told me that you didn't have a license, that you stole this car and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: Bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.
"How can you watch porn but still claim you love only me?" My wife asked
" The same way I watch Formula 1 whole weekend but still happily drive my 2010 Toyota Camry everyday" I replied..
That satisfied her...
I just failed to mention I take rental at Enterprise when I go on business trips
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