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Thứ Năm, 13 tháng 8, 2020

A male whale and a female whale are swimming were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship.

The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father years ago. He said to the female whale, “let’s both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink.” They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and sank.

Soon, however, the whales realized that the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of the shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female “let’s swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore.” At this point he realized the female was becoming relunctant to follow him.

“Look,” she said, “I went along with the blowjob but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen.”

A drunk man who smelled like a beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest...

A drunk man who smelled like a beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was smeared with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began to read.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked “Say Father, what causes arthritis?”

The priest replies “My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol and comtempt for your fellow man”

“Well I'll be darned” the drunk muttered, returning to his newspaper.

The priest thinking about what he said, nudged the drunk and apologised. “I'm sorry to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?”

“I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.”

When our grandad was 65, we told him to run a mile everyday.

now he's 70, but we have no idea where he is.

A man went to the hospital to visit his mother-in-law, who was in serious condition. On the way back the wife, very worried, asks: "So, honey? How's my mom doing?"

He replies: "She looks great! She is in good health! She will still live for many years! Next week she will be released from the hospital and will come and live with us, forever!"
"Wow that's amazing!" - says the wife - "But this is very strange, dear... yesterday she seemed to be on her deathbed, the doctors said she should have a few days to live!"
"Well, I don't know how she was yesterday" - he replied - "But today when I arrived at the hospital, the doctor told me that we should prepare for the worst"

My ex-wife was a great housekeeper

She kept the house.

How did harry potter get down the hill?

Walking.

LoL

JK. Rolling.